How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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