I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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