I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
