well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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