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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
