we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
