dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
