just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
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