i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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