That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
