fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
