Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
