Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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