I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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