did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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