Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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