I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
