he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
