Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
