I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
