Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
