Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have already put on my inside pants.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
