What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize