I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize