He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
