she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
