Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
