my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
