Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize