Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
