Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
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Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
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Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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