You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
