I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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