I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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