I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
