The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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