real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
