He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
