I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
