Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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