We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
