Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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