i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
