I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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