I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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