Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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