: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
