so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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