What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
