I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
