I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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