i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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