I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
