I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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