3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My penis needs a shock collar
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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