Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
