The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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