Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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