what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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