...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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