I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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