you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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